Monday, June 16, 2008

Florida and Michigan Loom Large

There was copious discussion of the Florida and Michigan delegate situations on this blog. I always maintained that should Obama claim the victory (which he now has, lugubriously), he would struggle in those two states. Swing voters would not be forgiving of such neglect.

According to Real Clear Politics (the most dependable source in polling), here are the current numbers in those states:

Florida: McCain +8.3
Michigan: McCain +1.6

Now to be fair, much of the above data is based on old numbers. Obama has clearly made gains in the last week. He could still win those states, especially Michigan, but it will require a healthy degree of diplomatic skill.

Can Mr. Obama afford to lose both these states? Probably not. He could overcome defeats with surprise victories in two of Virginia, Missouri, Ohio, and Nevada. Of course, he would also need to hold on to Pennsylvania and Minnesota.

If it does come down to Florida and Michigan, however, and John McCain wins, Sir Barack will have nobody to blame but himself.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Fathers Rule the Day

Make no mistake, it is the least of my intentions to take anything away from fathers on their day of recognition. I had once hoped to become a father, and while certain impediments still stand in my way, I assume I will one day realize that dream.

When it comes to politics, however, one has to observe the overwhelming bias that favors fathers over mothers. Yet again, both presidential candidates make this their day of celebration, with none to represent that other parental day in early May.

Was it because of a lack of viable candidates? Certainly not. And yet, women still find themselves fettered by that glass ceiling. I had hoped that would change in this term, but if the backlash against the genuine Geraldine Ferraro is any indication, we have still a time to wait.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Where Hath Hillary Gone?

It seems, by all media accounts, that our dear Mrs. Clinton has vanished from the public eye. The bewilderment as to her whereabouts has struck not only the regular news media (aka the Obama for President support group), but the famed paparazzi as well.

The only available reports indicate that Hillary has taken a much-needed respite to spend time with her family. A noble initiative, I would ordinarily say, were it not that it ran so contrary to my personal interests. In the past, I would like to at least envision my chosen lady in a certain place, campaigning away with her typical eloquence.

Based on what little information exists, I shall give you my inferences, which are nothing more than pure speculation. Take heed, however, that when it comes to Mrs. Clinton, I share a greater wavelength of connection. The possibilities:

1. Her residence in Chappaqua, NY - This is certainly the most likely destination, and yet one would think it would be known. I wager not.

2. Some private Caribbean island - One hopes not the place where Bertha Mason lived (see Jane Eyre's piece here for more details on why that would be ill-advised). I tend to think she would choose somewhere of more interest to her personally.

3. Pemberley Estate - I have reasoned it all out, and this seems the most probable. We all know Mrs. Clinton's fascination with Pride and Prejudice...what better opportunity to explore the intricacies of a famous novel than now. I can only hope the current residents have welcomed her with open arms, as I would have.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Tale of the Assistant Housekeeper

While I would never feign to assert that the painstaking process of selecting the Pemberley Assistant Housekeeper position was as tedious as Sir Barack Obama's search for a Vice President, there are some relevant parallels. Ah, that was a mouthful of Mrs. Bennet's pork loin.

We had a plethora of demands to meet, much of it dispersed among varying demographics. The lady servants desired female representation (the lead Housekeeper was of the male persuasion), and they were joined in their feminist crusade by my lovely sister, Georgiana. They had a particular lady in mind, a Mrs. Reynolds.

Mr. Wickham (before his character was impugned), however, was adamant that the lead Housekeeper be affixed with someone more diversified in talent. The ladies' choice, you see, failed to deliver in that regard, because her policies were quite similar to that of the lead Housekeeper. To appoint Mr. Wickham's choice, however, would have incited a gender-based uproar, and we could not have that.

Ultimately, we decided on Mrs. Reynolds. As some of you may recall, she eventually became lead Housekeeper, playing a monumental role in opening Lizzy's mind to the salubriousness of Pemberley.

Take heed, Mr. Obama. Appeal to the heart of women, for they will reward you with determination, for or against. My dear Hillary is the proper choice.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

What Will My Dear Hillary Do Next?

Yesterday, I proffered a blueprint for how this blog will function from this point forward. I will be debating between the two remaining presidential misfits: Sir Barack Obama and Templar John McCain. All this, while continuing to assert my never-waning enthusiasm for Mrs. Clinton's political accumen and physical prowess.

Today, we shall focus on my favorite of those three personages. Much attention has been afforded to what my dear Hillary will do next. I give you a thorough breakdown of each possibility:

1. Mr. Obama offers her the Vice Presidency, and she accepts. This, I believe, is what we are all striving for, but would Mr. Obama truly accept such a superior mind? Would he not feel threatened by her sheer good looks, her commanding eloquence? Would it not often happen that immediately preceding a major crisis, he would pull her aside and say, "Sweetcakes, what ever should I do?" It all seems so improbable.

2. No Vice Presidency, so Mrs. Clinton returns to the Senate. Many are describing her as the next Ted Kennedy (a title I would avoid like the Bubonic Plague), posing as the Senate's most authoritative and potent figure. There is an element of appeal here, certainly, but it stings of disappointment. Could I have simply accepted Lizzy's sister Kitty as a consolation prize? Heresy!

3. Ah yes, the most appealing option. Spurned by the Democratic party and lauded by fervent supporters, Mrs. Clinton remains as Senator, but makes it undoubtedly clear that her goal is to run again in 2012 or 2016. In her first post-electoral act, she saddles husband Bill to a divorce settlement, then seeks comfort in the arms of a more worthy lover. And that, my dear friends, is where I shall be waiting, with expectant arms.

Monday, June 9, 2008

All is Not Lost

It has been quite a lengthy period since I last employed this platform. My reasoning? Grief, mourning, lugubriousness, depression, tribulation, mortification, bereavement, melancholy. This, I feel most inexorably, for the American people, who have squandered their democratic rights on a mere fantasy (just as I have squandered my affections...but I still hope!)

I find myself in a bit of a perplexing situation. Do I dedicate the first indentation on my glossy voter card to my sworn enemy, Sir Barack Obama, or do I defect to an equally unappetizing choice, John McCain?

And yet, I almost relish this new vocation of the "swing voter." Suddenly, overtures are being made from both sides, attempting to lure those heartbroken Hillblazers such as myself with wing-shaped promises and angst-filled entreaties. Much like those disgraceful electors we refer to as Superdelegates, I shall sit upon my lofty perch and comment as the days go on.

Final determination? November. And yes, I am back for good, and loyal as ever to my dear Hillary and her luscious physique.