Tuesday, April 1, 2008

What Was In the Clinton Library Redactions

Apparently, I am not the only creation of Jane Austen's turning up today. As the outstanding Austen Blog reports, a new letter has surfaced, mentioning such appetizing things as Austen's recipe for hamster curry. Oh, the old delicacies!

The emergence of this groundbreaking news has plunged my mind into a reverie, as I imagine what might have been redacted from the Clinton Library records. Could there have been something in reference to me? Here are a few that came to mind:

January 20, 1993
Much as I tried to listen to my husband's inaugural address, I could not resist rummaging through the pages of Pride and Prejudice, desperately searching for every reference to Mr. Darcy. Oh, what a gentleman!

January 1, 1994
NAFTA comes into effect today. I'm not sure how I feel about it (who knows, there may come a time when I run for President myself, and it may not be good for certain states?). The one thing I do know how I feel about is Mr. Darcy. I'm ravenous for him.

December 29, 1995
I had the great pleasure of watching the BBC Miniseries of Pride and Prejudice, starring the dashing Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. If he were to arrive at my doorstep, he could have me...all of me.

January 17, 1998
My longtime enemy, Chris Drudge, just launched a report about my husband's dealings with Monica Lewinsky. Does this mean I can finally act on my deepest secret, my long-felt affections for Mr. Darcy?

April 10, 1998
Today I was in Belfast for the Good Friday Agreement between the British and Irish governments. Though I had to play the neutral role, I must privately admit my bias for England, because of my great passion for their literature (and most notably, the character of Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice).

November 7, 2000
My dear friend Al Gore is hanging by a thread, hoping for a recount in Florida. I, too, am hanging by a thread, just waiting for a romantic escapade from Mr. Darcy.

Could that have been what was redacted from the Clinton Library? Was it fear of being exposed for impure thoughts that caused the Clinton campaign to withhold information? I can only hope.

Oh, and readers: Do you think Hillary would like hamster curry?


Jorge said...

Absolutely hilarious!!! This is the most ridiculous thing I've seen in a long long time. And I think Hillary would love hamster curry.

Gluttoned Brit said...

We still eat hamster curry over here in England, and it's quite tasty. Seriously, you Americans have never had it? Come on. Sure you have.

Political Analyst said...

Truly the funniest take on an absurdly overblown story. Nice work.