Sunday, March 23, 2008

Times Change, People Don't

The more I learn of your political figures, the more perplexed I am by their parallels to those from my time.

Already, I have made a persuasive case for George W. Bush being Mr. Collins. The time has come to make a few more comparisions.

Mr. Wickham: Easily Sir Barack Obama, as the articulate manipulator, making use of good looks and a swift tongue to deceive the populace.

Lady Catherine: It must be Ann Coulter. Both are vile, and both think themselves more important than they are.

Lydia: Michelle Obama, whose newfound pride in her country must certainly be due to the attentions of attractive soldiers. How else to explain the silliness and conceit?

Charlotte Lucas: Laura Bush, because she must have had serious reservations about wedding George W. (one hopes anyway)

And lastly (and the point of this piece), Mr. Bennet: Howard Dean. This is a complicated correlation, but it holds strong. Like Mr. Bennet, Howard Dean's progressive 50-state strategy netted him some early victories in 2006 (Jane and Elizabeth), but his hands-off approach to Florida and Michigan (Lydia and Kitty) will lead to their ruin (in this case, elopement with John McCain).

Furthermore, Howard Dean presides over a party dominated by female voters - just as Mr. Bennet did daughters - and he struggles to coexist with women his age (Hillary Clinton, or Mrs. Bennet).

As in the immortal words of Austen, Mr. Dean has put Democrats in an untenable position; select Obama and women will never vote for him again, select Clinton and blacks will never vote for her again.

Finally, it must be said that Howard Dean, like Mr. Bennet, has one more fatal flaw: he plays favorites. At least Mr. Bennet had the judgment to favor the most virtuous one.

1 comment:

Shimmy said...

Ann Coulter thinks about dead people when she's making love.